• Alan Nield

Songs About Sex, But You Never Knew!

Radio Stations across the globe have been up in arms and have decided to pull the Christmas Pop Classic "Baby It's Cold Outside" from playlists up and down the length and breadth of countries. This is due to supporters claiming that it is a story of date rape, as the man begs the woman to stay the night. Possibly... but I'm not even going to go there! I'm going to let the more educated amongst us fight it out between themselves. But it did remind me of a little game that some of us Radio Jocks used to play when we got bored on air.


We would see how many songs we could play in one hour that WE KNEW were about sex, but we hadn't told the listening audience. We would then see how many tunes in we could get before someone would rumble the game and text in asking what was going on! A little bit like Traffic Police playing snooker with the cars they stopped, to see who get the higher break... (Look it up if you don't believe me!)


So I thought I'd list you my favourite songs that you quite possibly had no idea were about sex... but us DJ's did:


The Macarena - Los Del Rio. It's all about a woman cheating on her boyfriend... with two of his friends!!!


Sweet Caroline - Neil Diamond. It's the classic lines that we all sing at a Christmas Party, or a decent wedding reception of "Reaching out, touching me, touching you" and "Sweet Caroline, good times never felt so good". Hmm...


Don't Stop Me Now - Queen. Many of Queen's songs had graphic sexual connotations, but this one is particularly good! Freddie wrote about the orgasm to beat all orgasms... with another man! (Shock! Horror!) "I am a sex machine ready to reload, Like an atom bomb about to Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh EXPLODE!"


Little Red Corvette - Prince. I hate to burst your bubble with this one, but an educated guess from my behalf tells me that the title wasn't referring to his car. "The whole pocket full of horses, trojans and some of them used, but its Saturday night, I guess that makes it alright and you say What have I got to lose?" Now something tells me she may have been a little promiscuous...


Kiss From A Rose - Seal. Simply about a girl losing her virginity.


Summer Of 69 - Bryan Adams. So this is really gonna play with your head! The title doesn't refer to a year... Listen to the lyrics! Unless he nipped into town to buy a guitar, set his first band up, etc when he was 9 years old???


Like A Prayer - Madonna. Anyone for a blowjob lesson off the Queen of pop?


Come On Eileen - Dexys Midnight Runners. All about a bloke, trying to convince a woman too... well, you know! "You in that dress, my thoughts I confess, verge on dirty..."


Candyman - Christina Aguilera. All I will say is this... it wasn't sweets she was sucking on!


Cotton Eye Joe - Rednex. All about STD's! "If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eye Joe I'd been married a long time ago..."


Tuning Japanese - The Vapours. This is good and needs you to use your imagination a little! Think about the face that a man pulls (squinting) when he's masterbating! There you go...


Love Resurrection - Alison Moyet. This is my personal favourite, with blatant lyrics from start to finish! How she got away with this I will never know! "What can I do to make light of this dull dull day? What switch can I pull to illuminate the way?" or "Show me one direction I will not question again, For a warm injection is all I need to calm the pain" or "What seed must I sow to replenish this barren land, Teach me to harvest, I want you to grow in my hand"


I Touch Myself - The Divinyls. Sometimes (I am told) solo orgasms are the best orgasms, This is truly an iconic ode to masturbation, where we are reminded of a crucial action: love yourself.


Kids - Robbie & Kylie. Now be careful not to go down the wrong path with this one! But none the less, pure filth! Mr Robert Williams encourages the songstress to "Cum take a ride on my 12 cylinder symphony" however she states she "Couldn't do what I wanted to do when my lips were dry..."


Sledgehammer - Peter Gabriel. Another bubble burster here, but he wasn't actually singing about a hammer...


December 63 (Oh What A Night) - The Four Seasons. "I felt a rush like a rolling bolt of thunder, spinning my head around and taking my body under, Oh what a night!" I leave it there...


Barbie Girl - Aqua. Nothing quite like a song all about bondage to finish a blog off with!


Can I just say, if I've just destroyed your childhood...pmsl!!! PLEASE SUBSCRIBE!

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